topfivefilms.com Tuesday 18th January 2022
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Captivity (18)
Directed by: Roland Joffé
Reviewed by: Paul Fonz

Brace yourselves everyone, because this is the latest film from Roland Joffé! Yes, that's right, Roland Joffé, the British director of such films as The Killing Fields, The Mission and, er, Super Mario Bros. All of which are about fifteen to twenty years old, but that's OK, I'm sure he's still got it. After all, he's had seven years off since his last film to think up ideas.

I'm guessing that's not tomato sauce on Kim Bauer's hand
I'm guessing that's not tomato sauce on Kim Bauer's hand

And what better way to make your comeback than to make a horror film to add to the seemingly endless onslaught of recent releases in that genre? Dare I even begin to list them? Hostel: Part II, The Hitcher, Vacancy, 28 Weeks Later, The Reaping, The Hills Have Eyes II, Hannibal Rising, Severance, Saw III, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning... the list goes on. Way to make an impact, Roland.

And so we have Kim Bauer from 24 (she's no stranger to horror films) playing a lonely model, who gets abducted one night and locked up by Some Guy. Some Guy then proceeds to torture her in some fairly unpleasant ways. Some Guy doesn't feel the need to say anything, so the first half an hour or so of the film is pretty light on dialogue, until they introduce a new character, for Kim Bauer to talk to.

I could continue, but if I did I would describe to you the entire film. All 85 minutes of it. Suffice it to say that the film is not very scary, but absolutely excels at being predictable, forgettable and average. I don't understand why studios continue to pump out these dull rehashes and remakes of horror films. I can only assume there's an awful lot of money in it, which makes me think perhaps we should all be churning out mediocre slasher flicks. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and sharpen my knives, distil some acid and pick up some 35mm film stock.

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Length: 85 minutes
Certificate: 18
Official Site: http://www.captivitythemovie.com/
IMDB Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0374563/
Release Date: 22nd June 2007

Top Five Rating: 50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0%50.0% (50.0%)
User Rating: 0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0%0.0% (0.0%)

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